More proof that sometimes they listen to me

Sunday dinner, me and #2-5.

#2 asks an intelligent question about AIDS in third world countries that requires the use of the word condom in my answer.

#5: What’s a condom?

#2: Oh God.

#3: NOOOOO!

Me: Well. . .

In unison, #2, #3, and #4 drop their forks, put their hands over their ears, close their eyes and start going , “LALALALALALALA!”

Me, looking at #5: When people have sex

#5, interrupting: Stop talking. Stop talking NOW.

Here’s another time I answered an awkward question from #5 (though this time he let me finish).

I have a Facebook page. If you Like it, you can get treated to such deep insights as this:

#5: I think I’m double jointed somewhere because I can lick my neck.

Pre-Rapture Photo Caption Contest

If you read this blog, you may remember that I have a shiny new nephew:

Did you see his foot?

When I visited him, I decided that he’s now Tiny Nephew, because he’s only like six pounds. Tiny Nephew has three older brothers. Here is my favorite picture of all time:

best ever — Tiny Nephew with Slightly-Larger Nephew

Aren’t they just too much?

But that’s not what I need your help with.

One day of my visit while we were downstairs fawning, someone, who shall remain nameless but is a nephew that can walk and is pictured somewhere in this post, was upstairs in grandma’s nursery playing with the toys. As he has been well-trained (unlike my kids), he put everything away when he was finished.

Except for one thing:

That’s how I found her after they went home. Facedown and alone on the nursery floor.

Poor thing.

I know how she feels.

This photo needs a caption.

I needed to put this out there before the Rapture, because it’s been on my to-do list for a week and I’m tidying up my loose ends. If they don’t take me, then at least I’m ahead.

Can you help me out? I’d offer to share my bacon with you but #5 won’t let me have any. But I can offer up a Starbucks gift card that will get you a (as in one) latte.

Post your captions in the comments through 6pm EST Saturday, May 21 and I’ll pick a winner. If I’m saved though, I’m drinking your latte.

A #5 Interlude, Brought To You By Bacon

If you haven’t checked out Leanne Shirtliffe’s blog Ironic Mom and Chase McFadden’s blog Some Species Eat Their Young go do it right now. They’re both awesomely funny. Funnier than an 8-year-old boy with a speech impediment and a New Jersey accent singing The Offspring’s Self Esteem on Guitar Hero.

I’ll wait.

Recently they teamed up and created a new site called Stuff Kids Write. Go check that one out too, I’ll wait again. I’m good at waiting.

Actually, no, I’m not. I’m terribly impatient.

While digging through the pile of funny crap from the kids that I have saved, looking for something to send them for Stuff Kids Write, I came across a piece that is epic in the truest sense of the word: long and repetitive (which is why I didn’t send this one).

We have a social worker who works full time for the school district, dividing her time among all the elementary schools. At the beginning of this school year, she gave #5’s third-grade class the following project. They worked on it in class. It’s about getting in touch with your feelings, being okay with feeling sad or angry or embarrassed, as well as laying out some hopes and dreams.