Welcome Home, Mom and Dad

My in-laws moved in with me last Sunday. They arrived with my brother-in-law, Peter, who held a suitcase in one hand and two, precariously balanced wooden boxes in the other.

People coming into my house are always greeted with the dulcet tones of puggle chorus, and this day was no exception. I attempted to calm Jack and Casey while they ran back and forth between Peter and the dining room table, where dinner now lay unattended.  Ultimately they split, Jack moving in for the attack and Casey using her Ninja skills to try to snatch a perogie. I shooed her away from the table only to have her join the attack, which suddenly looked for all the world like it would succeed. They were going to knock Peter down. He was still standing there trying to hold all his baggage while fending off attack puggles.

He and I both realized immediately this couldn’t end well. I cracked a  joke about not wanting to have to find the dustbuster and took the top box from him, which contained my father-in-law.

Actually, it still does contain him. We haven’t had any unfortunate accidents, knock wood (but not too hard, if you’re knocking on this particular box).

They’re called “cremains” by the way. I love that word. It sounds exactly like what it is. You see fancy urns and things but the truth is, the default method of transporting cremains is in a bag. Usually plastic in paper. You want anything more than that, it’s a serious upgrade. At some point my brother-in-law got these nice wooden boxes for them. They look exactly like what we store our silver place-settings in. But inside the boxes? Bag o’ cremains. Dusty.

I never met my in-laws. I wish I had. CC loves my parents, both sets. They completely adore him– most days more than they like me. Everything I know about his parents comes from stories and few pictures. We have a corner display of photographs of them in the living room. A former babysitter framed them all as a Christmas gift to us, and after the kids repainted the house last year, I rearranged the montage.

I look at the pictures and I see everyone in their faces: a future #5 in the photo of my father-in-law in uniform at age twenty; how much #1 looks like her grandma and what a knockout she was; how this photo is #4’s chin and this one is #3’s eyes, and I see CC in every single photo.

[This is not to leave out #2. It’s just that she looks exactly like her mom. Her paternal family resemblance is pretty much limited to her sense of humor and her kitchen skills, which are two of my favorite things about her dad.]

My in-laws’ former resting place was inside their old liquor cabinet at Peter’s house, an antique they used throughout their lives that now gives off a permanent, heady perfume of booze-soaked wood. By all accounts, I’m told they would have felt quite comfortable there. But Peter is moving to a far-away state. There’s a family plot in Brooklyn in which we’d like to intern them, soon as we can work out who has the deed. No one quite remembers.

It makes sense for them to move in with us until then, and really, it’s the least I can do. Their youngest son–their late, midlife surprise, who turns fifty today– is the light of my life. I never had the opportunity to tell them how he brings me joy; that in spite of all their challenges, they did a good job. He’s strong. He has values they gave him which he protects and passes on to his own children. He’s a good man. I never got to witness his mother’s musical talent or his father’s jokes. I want them to know he plays the hell out of a guitar and how much he makes people laugh. I wish I could have poured them a drink and said, “Thank you. Nice work.”

So for now I dust off the boxes–wondering, of course whether it’s regular dust or other dust– and look for a safe place for them to rest, in peace, temporarily.


The night they moved in, #4 was doing her regular bedtime routine, the one where she takes forty minutes from the time you tell her to go to bed to the time she actually gets in the bed. She’s thirteen now and I’ve stopped fighting it. I figure as long as she’s in bed before the sun rises, that’s a win.

The third time she danced out of her bedroom, she spun all the way through the kitchen and ended up in the dining room, in front of the sideboard, where the boxes were stacked.

#4: What are these?

I was unprepared. I went with the truth, because I didn’t have a good lie at the ready.

Me: Grandma and Grandpa.

I got up to join her, but it was too late; she had opened the top box. I could see her mind working, processing what I said with what she was seeing, making the connection.

She closed the lid and backed away slowly.

#4: Oh. You meant. The actual. Person.

Me: Yeah. You okay?

#4: Um. I’m going to bed now.

Grandparents can always get your kids to obey better than you can.

Feel free to wish CC a happy 50th birthday in the comments section, since he doesn’t have his own blog.


11 thoughts on “Welcome Home, Mom and Dad

  1. Your respect for the dearly departed was beautifully (and humorously) expressed. I’m sure they would have adored you, maybe even revered you a little: a woman who would take on a step-family of five and such daily chaos, all for the sake of love. My family acquired a couple of boxes like that way too early. Their final resting place was a beautiful river in the Adirondack Park. Seems a lot of people’s remains end up being cast into the water … so maybe it’s not global warming that’s making the level of the ocean rise after all? Happy Birthday CC! Glad the whole family could be together to share your special day!

  2. Happy birthday to the light of your life!

    I’m certain your in-laws thank you for welcoming them into your home. What a lovely tribute to them. My husband never met my dad and I do feel a pang of sadness because I know they would have gotten along famously (they are very much alike)

  3. Happy Happy to your CC!!

    And what a lovely tribute to the people who made him. I couldn’t think of a better birthday present for your man.

    Well, ok, maybe I could, but this is a family blog, right? 😉

    Beautiful post, JM. Well done!

  4. This was lovely – funny and touching, just like life is supposed to be.

    Happy Birthday to your sweetie! Tell him 50 is no biggie. 53, however….

  5. I love how I went from sniffling (at the 50th birthday paragraph) to laughing aloud. I had to read the conclusion aloud to Anthony, who’s still chuckling.

  6. I had my father in law living with me for a year or so, I would clean his area weekly, making sure the photo was in a good position so he could watch over his granddaughter which he never met. On his birthday and Father’s Day I would light a candle and roll a joint for him, lay it next to the photo and wish him well 🙂 … the joint would mysteriously disappear a few days later 😉

  7. When my mother passed we had her cremated because 1: we weren’t sure what she wanted and 2: couldn’t afford a catholic funeral/service.
    We had to divide her cremains and I always wonder if that’s similar to cutting a body into pieces.
    Turns out urns are just as expensive as the most affordable funeral.
    My sister and I took to Big Lots and found these (in other circumstances, totally worthless) vases with openings just big enough for a shaved down cork.
    Now my mom sits in one of her favorite things-some cheap home decor.

Comment. It gives me a reason not to clean my house.

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