Say What?

Sometimes I hear myself say things and realize that, had my life taken a different path, I would never utter these words all together in the same sentence.

Last Sunday we took everyone to see the final Harry Potter movie at the theater at Willowbrook Mall. I had purchased the tickets earlier online, while not wearing my glasses, and there was a problem getting them at the theater. I had to go to guest services, where I heard myself say, “There’s a Willowbrook in Houston? As in Texas?”

For the record, Houston? All y’all’s movie tickets are cheap compared to New Jersey’s.

Here are a few things that CC and I said over the past couple weeks that I never dreamed would be necessary:

  • Don’t lick your sister.
  • Do not run with a glass in your mouth.
  • Stop tasting the dogs.
  • No, you can’t hide in the dryer.
  • Actually, you’re not a ninja.
  • Don’t lick your brother.
  • I’m sorry the Tooth Fairy didn’t show up again. He was probably drunk.
  • Get out of the dishwasher.
  • Do NOT “pants” our guests. What if he’d been going commando?
  • Yes, steak is muscle. What? No, you probably wouldn’t get a very big steak out of a baby.
  • No, it’s not a problem that you spilled a coke in my purse.
  • No, sweetie, I’m sorry. Your letter from Hogwarts still didn’t come.

What can you add to the list?

Caption Contest Winner

Yeah, I know I said I’d post this on Friday. Life happened. It always does. Sunday is the new Friday anyway, haven’t you heard?

Anyway. A little over a week ago I asked you lovely folks to suggest your best caption for this picture:

I further sweetened the deal with the promise of your very own only slightly used DVD copy of Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus, that incredible direct-to-DVD release starring Deborah “don’t call me Debbie when I’m acting” Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas. Yes, in the same movie!

I had a tough time picking a winner. But I did pick one, because I feel such a tremendous sense of obligation to pass this movie on.

Black Hole Under My Couch, for the first half of your comment (can I do that? I just did):

Casey: “Yeah, Yeah, of course I’m eighteen. . . *whispers* in dog years!”

Yeah Yeah, of course I'm eighteen. . .*whispers* in dog years!

Carl, I realize this sets me up for another round of your therapy bills for not picking your caption. If you have to call me down to FLA for Confrontation Day, can it be after the humidity dies down a little?

Here are some of the one I loved that didn’t win:

Grossly Pulchritudinous: It’s certainly no Pentapus, but I think we can make this work.

The Bad Hat Harry: Why don’t you put the camera down and join in? Leave it rolling.

Someone at my work on the dry erase board: Tastes like chicken!

Thanks to everyone who participated! You guys made me laugh.

Black Hole Under My Couch, drop me an email accidentalstepmom (at) g mail (dot) com and I will get your DVD out to you. If you actually watch the entire movie and review it, I’ll post it.

It’s the least I could do.

In an unrelated note, the Pentapus is now down to three legs, but we find the name sticking. Tri-pus does not have the same ring. However, if they manage to get the three remaining legs off I’m going to call it Tabletop Pentapus.

In closing, let’s talk about bad movies.  Do you have a favorite? One of those movies that has no redeeming features whatsoever but you still can’t drag yourself away from it? Mine is Amazon Women on the Moon. It was supposed to be a spoof on bad movies but kind of turned out being one itself. I love that movie. What’s your favorite bad movie?

MegaPuggle VS. Giant Octopus

Behold, Giant Octopus:

Behold, Giant Octopus with his tasty, squeaky heart ripped out.

(Yes, those are my unmentionables drying on the lamp. I was going to edit them out until I remembered that I don’t have or know Photoshop, at which point I ate a cookie.)

He is also missing some legs.

Pentapus.

I have no idea how this happened, but I suspect MegaPuggle.

Who thinks that the only thing better than taking down Giant Octopus is the severed leg that turned sad, heart-free Hexapus into sadder, still-heart-free-with-a-giant-hole-in-its-head Pentapus.

Mmmmm. Severed tentacle.

In case you missed it, you should check out this movie. Debra “don’t-call-me-Debbie-when-referring-to-my-acting ” Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas in the same movie. My friend Jeff actually got paid to work on this. Or else someone he knew got paid to work on it in the studio next to him while he was working on Borat. No, that was before. I can’t remember. I’d ask him but he’s expecting his first child any second. Unless you hate babies, check out this trailer. I promise it’s worth it.