Sometimes I hear myself say things and realize that, had my life taken a different path, I would never utter these words all together in the same sentence.

Last Sunday we took everyone to see the final Harry Potter movie at the theater at Willowbrook Mall. I had purchased the tickets earlier online, while not wearing my glasses, and there was a problem getting them at the theater. I had to go to guest services, where I heard myself say, “There’s a Willowbrook in Houston? As in Texas?”

For the record, Houston? All y’all’s movie tickets are cheap compared to New Jersey’s.

Here are a few things that CC and I said over the past couple weeks that I never dreamed would be necessary:

• Don’t lick your sister.
• Do not run with a glass in your mouth.
• Stop tasting the dogs.
• No, you can’t hide in the dryer.
• Actually, you’re not a ninja.
• Don’t lick your brother.
• I’m sorry the Tooth Fairy didn’t show up again. He was probably drunk.
• Get out of the dishwasher.
• Do NOT “pants” our guests. What if he’d been going commando?
• Yes, steak is muscle. What? No, you probably wouldn’t get a very big steak out of a baby.
• No, it’s not a problem that you spilled a coke in my purse.
• No, sweetie, I’m sorry. Your letter from Hogwarts still didn’t come.

What can you add to the list?