#5 Learns Why He Shouldn’t Open Other People’s Mail

Because we work nights, we usually get home after the kids go to sleep. They leave us notes: tests that need to be signed, permission slips, requests for money, and random thoughts are all written out and laid on the dining room table.

Also, anything that arrives in our absence and is addressed “to the parents of…” is immediately opened, read,  and taped shut again. Or hidden in their bedroom in a futile attempt to avoid the inevitable, since our schools always send an email alert saying what we should have received.

This is what we came home to last night:

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Sometimes it’s better not to know, isn’t it? At least he didn’t hide the letter.

I usually don’t snoop because it always ends in regret. One year my sister found our Christmas presents and showed them to me. I felt so guilty about it. Christmas morning came and I felt like I had betrayed my parents as I kept saying “Just what I always wanted!” after I opened each non-surprise. Since I can’t remember if we ever actually told this story to our parents or not, this seems like a good place to end this post.

 

 

Did you ever find anything that made you regret snooping?

 

 

Remember to enter the Pi Day Pie Challenge! Deadline is end of the day March 13th.

 

 

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There’s Nothing to Eat!

Along with the recently-issued mandate in our house that the kids make their own school lunches, we’ve also started buying less junk food.

It’s amazing how much damage junk food has caused to their eyesight. They look in the pantry and can’t see that there is any food left.

One kid, who shall remain unnumbered, attempted to offer helpful suggestions to all the other kids who couldn’t see any food for lunch snacks. A different kid, who shall also remain unnumbered, said “This is gross! There’s nothing to eat in this house!” and went to her cave room and slammed the door, it is rumored.

Three remaining kids banded together and made snacks for lunch, which just thrilled my heart to no end.

In the pantry were an unopened package of graham crackers and six unopened boxes of table water cracker of varying flavors. In the fridge were grapes, baby carrots, a pear, apples, an orange, cheese and eggs. We had bananas, peanut butter, celery, jello and dried and canned fruit. There was bacon. Not that it all counts as health food, but they couldn’t see any of that because of the junk food disease.

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So they made Cinnamon Toast Crunch muffins from a mix that one of them got for Christmas, and popcorn.

#4 made the muffins. She thought they seemed a little plain and never voluntarily eats anything without added sugar, so she gave them Christmas sprinkles. Then she found the packet of Cinnamon Toast Crunch crumble in the box. So she put that on too.

There’s always something to eat here. You just need to know where to look.

Fiction Guest Post By #5.

I have a special treat today. #5 has agreed to do a guest post.

Me: I have a favor to ask you.

#5: What?

Me: Will you do a guest post on my blog?

#5: Mmm. Maybe. How much work do I have to do?

Me: Nothing. You did it already {I held up the story he had written}. You just have to say yes.

#5: Okay. Can I play on your iPad?

It’s a good story. Thrills, suspense, danger, bacon. Lots of monsters. We’re both quite proud of it.

On this day of giving thanks and counting blessings I always try to take a moment to remember maniacal and implicitly undead yet tasty breakfast meats . Enjoy!

Night of the Living Bacon
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One dark, dreary Halloween night, me Ethan, Hank, Brandon, Paton, and Chucky walked into a creepy haunted house in a cemetary with our candy. Giant black spiders were crawling everywhere. That completely explained why there was absolutely no girls there. A giant, greasy, delicious looking piece of bacon walked up and invited us in. We walked in terrified as a sharp, deadly blade shot out of the wall. I saved us all except for the bacon, because then I knew it was a trap. Grease was splurting out of the bacon.

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As a prize for saving us from them, they let me eat it. I devoured the bacon. Everyone was amazed by how fast I ate it. It was terrific bacon, and the best bacon I have ever tasted. I started to wonder who made all of the bacon. We tried to run for our lives, but the huge, scary door slammed closed with a quick squeak before we had a chance to get out. We all screamed louder than we have ever screamed before.

We tried as hard as we could to open the huge, scary door. We were trapped!

We friendly tip-toed up the creepy, broken stairs. The stairs broke even more and squeaked every time we took a step. When we finally got to the top of the stairs, we tumbled straight into a trap door. We tried to jump out but it was way too high. Another problem of getting out, is there were scary bats everywhere. Then, big army ants came out and tried to kill us! The army ants ate my pants, but luckily Chucky had an extra pair incase I wet myself, which also happened. We ran trembling. We stopped at the corner. They almost killed us when a big, blood sucking vampire swooped by and flew us back out. He told us “The evil bacon is finally fighting back, and they going to eat all of you and me. After that, they are going to take over the world. They are go also going to eat me too because they called me a trader!” I asked, “who makes the bacon?” He said, “An evil devil!” The bacon heard us talk and came out and chased us. We all screamed, and ran for dear life.

We bounced trough the scary house screaming the whole entire time. A big, spooky ghost came out of the wall, but we rushed right through his stomach and he disapeared. A big, bloody zombie jumped out of a coffin. I got a hold of Eathan and was about to eat him when I noticed an ax was on the wall, and I chopped the zombie’s bloody arm off. The zombie was completely bleeding. We sadly all lost all of our candy in the spooky, deadly haunted house. 

We almost got out, when we relized the evil, wanting victorious, deadly bacon was going to still take over the world and get their victory. So, we ripped out the sords and knives that we forgot about and used them agenst the bacon. We had the fight of our lives while stabbing, cutting, chopping and devouring all the bacon. The evil bacon sadly ate Paton and he was digested and never heared from again but the rest of us happily destroyed the evil and got out safe. We all had a party/funeral without a body. We all cheered for saving the world, but we were sad Paton got eaten. Luckly we were happy enough to wash the sadness away though.

The End.

Back cover: "Run for your cold, dead lives!"