I have a special treat today. #5 has agreed to do a guest post.
Me: I have a favor to ask you.
#5: What?
Me: Will you do a guest post on my blog?
#5: Mmm. Maybe. How much work do I have to do?
Me: Nothing. You did it already {I held up the story he had written}. You just have to say yes.
#5: Okay. Can I play on your iPad?
It’s a good story. Thrills, suspense, danger, bacon. Lots of monsters. We’re both quite proud of it.
On this day of giving thanks and counting blessings I always try to take a moment to remember maniacal and implicitly undead yet tasty breakfast meats . Enjoy!
One dark, dreary Halloween night, me Ethan, Hank, Brandon, Paton, and Chucky walked into a creepy haunted house in a cemetary with our candy. Giant black spiders were crawling everywhere. That completely explained why there was absolutely no girls there. A giant, greasy, delicious looking piece of bacon walked up and invited us in. We walked in terrified as a sharp, deadly blade shot out of the wall. I saved us all except for the bacon, because then I knew it was a trap. Grease was splurting out of the bacon.
As a prize for saving us from them, they let me eat it. I devoured the bacon. Everyone was amazed by how fast I ate it. It was terrific bacon, and the best bacon I have ever tasted. I started to wonder who made all of the bacon. We tried to run for our lives, but the huge, scary door slammed closed with a quick squeak before we had a chance to get out. We all screamed louder than we have ever screamed before.
We tried as hard as we could to open the huge, scary door. We were trapped!
We friendly tip-toed up the creepy, broken stairs. The stairs broke even more and squeaked every time we took a step. When we finally got to the top of the stairs, we tumbled straight into a trap door. We tried to jump out but it was way too high. Another problem of getting out, is there were scary bats everywhere. Then, big army ants came out and tried to kill us! The army ants ate my pants, but luckily Chucky had an extra pair incase I wet myself, which also happened. We ran trembling. We stopped at the corner. They almost killed us when a big, blood sucking vampire swooped by and flew us back out. He told us “The evil bacon is finally fighting back, and they going to eat all of you and me. After that, they are going to take over the world. They are go also going to eat me too because they called me a trader!” I asked, “who makes the bacon?” He said, “An evil devil!” The bacon heard us talk and came out and chased us. We all screamed, and ran for dear life.
We bounced trough the scary house screaming the whole entire time. A big, spooky ghost came out of the wall, but we rushed right through his stomach and he disapeared. A big, bloody zombie jumped out of a coffin. I got a hold of Eathan and was about to eat him when I noticed an ax was on the wall, and I chopped the zombie’s bloody arm off. The zombie was completely bleeding. We sadly all lost all of our candy in the spooky, deadly haunted house.
We almost got out, when we relized the evil, wanting victorious, deadly bacon was going to still take over the world and get their victory. So, we ripped out the sords and knives that we forgot about and used them agenst the bacon. We had the fight of our lives while stabbing, cutting, chopping and devouring all the bacon. The evil bacon sadly ate Paton and he was digested and never heared from again but the rest of us happily destroyed the evil and got out safe. We all had a party/funeral without a body. We all cheered for saving the world, but we were sad Paton got eaten. Luckly we were happy enough to wash the sadness away though.
The End.
JM Randolph, accidentalstepmom 
Hahahaha…tell #5 that was awesome 🙂
I will!
Loved it. This was the best thing to read this morning while eating bacon! well done #5!
The perfect meal to read it by. With? Around? Hmm. Bacon!
I’ve been taking this week off and not really reading blogs or commenting, but tell #5 that was awesome. I adore his word choices!! An how Paton was digested and how they chopped and ate the bacon to save the world!!!!! Have a happy (and bacon filled) Thanksgiving!!!
He definitely has some interesting word choices.
Switch to raisin bran. My triple by-pass is not on my “top ten favorite things” list.
Night of the Living Raisin Bran has some serious potential, á la The Blob.
Awesome. #5 has some mad story-writing skills! Tell him to keep up the good work. Also, his vocabulary is quite impressive (judging his age by the handwriting). How old is he?
The drawings are great. Love the giant bacon strips.
He’s nine, and I’m not really sure where he gets his words. They crack me up though.
I love this story!!
Poor Paton :(. But I almost cried from laughing about the wet pants, “which also happened”. Lucky that Chucky had an extra pair – it’s great to plan ahead. Too bad they didn’t remember those sords and knives earlier. Also too bad about the candy.
I know- “which also happened”- isn’t that hilarious? He told me that losing the candy was the scariest part of the story, which almost also happened in real life here because of the storm. I told him though that I thought he’d be more scared of bacon gone bad.
Definately “The army ants ate my pants, but luckily Chucky had an extra pair incase I wet myself, which also happened” is my favorite line, among so many. What’s not to love about this story? It’s histerical. Maybe start taking him to your writing groups with you. He’d be an inspiration and a challenger to stodgy, settled in perceptions and techniques. Kids rule that way!
I know- where did the army ants come from? I love that he’s willing to put I wet myself in a story because it’s funny.
I love it, especially the reason there was no girls there! 😆
It is the same reason he is the only one who will go underneath our deck!
Excellent work! I particularly like that there was an extra pair of pants in case he wet himself (which he did) that is one prepared child.
Also the back, which I totally thought read, “Run for your cold, dead, liver!”
Very impressed!
I thought that said liver too and had to get author clarification. That other kid must be a boy scout.
Oh. My. God. Best guest post EVER!!! “…but luckily Chucky had an extra pair incase I wet myself, which also happened.” Haaaa!
I almost published one of Son’s recent gems, too. I still may!
First of all, holy penmanship batman. Very nice!
Also, Son and #5 would totally get along.
You need to get this translated into Japanese and then translated back into English. That would be fantastic.
OMG that would be brilliant. I wonder if that $5 translator I saw at target would do it.
Awesome story! Did 5 wear the bacon t-shirt when he turned it in?
I can only hope.
SO amazing. Thank you for not correcting the spelling mistakes in your captions. I think #5 has a screenwriting career ahead of him…
Wow!! I am completely mesmerized … plus I loved reading all the original handwritten version… THANKS for not going directly to Quentin Tarantino with this! and letting the little blog people enjoy it first !!
We read this story together over coffee. I suggest anyone who has to do a matinee, starts the day with this! Well done #5!
Very entertaining. I liked reading “because they called me a trader” (which I’m sure is supposed to be “traitor”) because but I think “trader” adds a mysterious dimension…what was he trading?
I thoroughly enjoy all your posts, but the ones about #5 are my favorite. He is a particular breed of awesome.
Can I tell you a secret? Those are my favorite posts too. He is at his most awesome when he’s not even trying.