If You Would Like to Break Into My House. . .

If I really get on a roll writing today, a bunch of things won’t get done.

That’s been the theme of the last six months for me. It seems like CC and I had a month’s reprieve from being in production at the same time (read: a shitload of overtime for both of us) and then it kicked back up for him.

Huh. I just checked the calendar and there’s no “seeming” about it, that’s actually how it happened. Nice to know I’m not crazy. About that, anyway.

He’s been out of town a lot. Like, for weeks at a time. Many. Weeks. I’ve been running the household.

I can hear many of you married moms going, “So?” or “I wish my husband would go out of town!” and the like. Well this is a very risky post for me, not only because I am revealing online the absence of my husband

-I interrupt this post to inform you that I am, indeed, armed, and while I’m not as good a shot as him, I am decent enough and I use a bigger gun

-but it’s also risky because I am revealing the fact that my husband does everything to run the household. If the women in my town knew exactly how amazing he is, they’d be plotting against me, five kids or no five kids.

He does all your typical man stuff. But he also cooks and cleans and does laundry and makes the kids’ lunches and lets me sleep in. He can sew, and he can wire the furnace into a generator when the power goes out. He has power tools and one of his greatest joys is teaching the girls how to use them. He grocery shops, which I totally suck at.

And most of this year, he’s been working like ninety jobs’ worth of hours out of town and I am trying to fill his shoes here at home, and every day I sit down at my computer and think, if I really get on a roll writing today, a bunch of stuff won’t get done. Because while my husband can get a tasty meal for seven on the table in twenty minutes, it takes me half a week of planning to make that happen. If I don’t plan to run this household, I’m screwed. Or they are, depending on how you look at it. Not a damn piece of it comes naturally to me.

Like, I made cookies. Chocolate Chip and a few White Chocolate Chip. They were really good too, because I added cinnamon. Because I add cinnamon to everything. The kids were not impressed, but I knew that when they got hungry enough they would eat them. Particularly since there wasn’t much else to eat in the house. The next day I was outside engaged in a life and death struggle with the power washer  power washing the house. The puggles were on the couch at the window watching me. They disappeared. I figured they just didn’t like water aimed at their faces through the window. But actually they were gettin’ busy.

What was wrong with these four?


That’s two dozen cookies that you don’t see because they’re in dog bellies.

I like what you did with the cinnamon







I feel guilty enough for both of us.

Here are some other highlights from this week:

I never restocked the refrigerator after we had to dump everything from the power being out for a week. We’re still eating out of the pantry.

I entirely forgot to pick up two of my children from school on Thursday. Never even entered my mind.

I managed to get an entire month behind in paying my babysitter. I may have to take out a loan to get current.

We now have to bring the dogs with us on our upcoming road trip and board them when we get in Indiana, about a 12 hour drive, because I couldn’t get all the details squared away in time. Though in my defense, Jack had a strong hand in it by spontaneously developing an upper respiratory infection the night before he was supposed to get shots.

What’s that? Road trip? Indiana? Why, yes! Which is why again I say if I really get on a roll writing today, a bunch of stuff won’t get done. There’s a lot to get done to prep five kids and two dogs and me to head out. We can’t wait! We get to see my whole famdamnily, and CC has Thanksgiving Day off  so I get to retrieve him and bring him back to my mom’s.

Maybe when I get back I can restock the refrigerator.


Meanwhile, back in New Jersey and New York, cleanup efforts continue. I got to see a former co-worker of mine yesterday who lives on Long Beach. We saw pictures and videos of the sea busting through his foundation, of the water rising up to the ceiling. His neighbor drowned in her home. And though he lost nearly everything he owned, including all the years of custom work he had done on his place, he said he sees so much good coming out of it. Before, he said, nobody would speak much to each other on the street. He only knew a few of his neighbors. Now everybody knows each other, they ask how they’re doing; they pitch in and help out.

More train lines are back up and running. Oddly, it made my commute worse, as there are now no trains between 10:14pm and midnight to where I’m going. I’m sure there’s a valid reason for it. I mean, the freaking land that many of the tracks are on washed away. The people along those lines were scrambling every day to try and find a way into work, and many of them still are. A friend of mine who also commutes explained it to his little boy like this: You know how you have your toy trains on your train table? And sometimes the tracks get moved and you have to put them back so the trains will run? Well, here, the train table washed away. He said his mouth dropped open.

And say what you will about Snookie, but she and her guidos/ettes raised a million bucks for their shore town. She was also at the telethon we performed on, early in the morning, answering phones. In Snookie-shoes.

Keep those positive stories coming. We all need them. I opened up the Sunday paper last week and just wept.

By the way? The gas rationing thing totally worked. Granted, getting more stations on line with power and more gasoline helped. But in a week we went from waiting in a line after midnight for two and half hours to no lines.


Here are your links:

So my babysitter (the one I owe all the money to) informed me that I really should investigate whether there was a seatbelt law for dogs because she saw something posted at the pet store.

She has sugar gliders. I love her.

Me: That’s stupid. I’m not getting freaking seatbelts for the puggles.

Her: Yeah but I heard it’s like a $250 fine if you get pulled over.

Me: If we get pulled over I’ll have #4 shove them down inside a sleeping bag.

I dutifully googled and the first hit I got was this article: Christie Says No ‘Stupid’ Seat Belt Law For Dogs In New Jersey

I love it when I quote Chris Christie without even realizing it.

This is funny. REALLY funny. The Hater’s Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalogue. Thanks Michelle for the link.

From the Star-Ledger: New Jersey’s Unsung Heroes of Hurricane Sandy

I just spent an hour looking for an article about gratitude that conveyed what I feel about it (that’s the equivalent of two loads of laundry started, for those of you playing along at home). I found it: Giving Thanks from Woman’s Day.

And let’s close this Sunday post out with a link I found on The Bloggess to a 1984 video clip from the Today Show about a toaster possessed by Satan. It Makes Good Toast.


PS: If you are, in fact, going to break into my house, could you please throw a load of towels in the washer? They’re going to moulder while I’m gone. Help yourself to the lemons in the fridge. There’s like, forty in there. Lemons are unfazed by power outages. They’re lonely.

Happy Sunday.



10 thoughts on “If You Would Like to Break Into My House. . .

    1. You could totally just slip their lunchboxes in the pile. I bet he wouldn’t even notice. I wish we lived closer too! I’d make you cookies that hadn’t been dumped on the floor by dogs.

  1. Hang in there … running a household smoothly doesn’t a great step-mom make. Being able to roll with the punches, think on your feet and laugh when the going gets rough are life skills worth modeling, and you do it far better than you think!

  2. Yours is the only blog I subscribe to and for good reason. I love every post. I have been lying (laying?) in bed for a week with pneumonia, and starved for a post from you. Now I can go back to bed.

  3. Holy crap, there is so much here to comment on! Okay, while you plan the grocery list, I’ll plan my comment order. All right. Cinnamon. Can I just tell you how much I love that cinnamon gave us?! You can’t blame the puggles, really (that caption killed me).

    And you’re power washing the house and saying you don’t know how to run a household?! Cheese and rice.

    I hope you have an amazing trip to Indiana! Let me know if you need anything while you’re gone.

    Lastly, the Pet-Value I went to last week actually had a sign in the doorway that said the dog seatbelt thing was a law! Are they full of lies?? I don’t know why I’m asking, since I completely don’t care if it is. Uncle Jesse ain’t got time for that.

  4. Oh man, I have one of those super husbands as well. And he travels. Aren’t they just the worst? 😉

    Have a great time in Indy! And what a road trip! Bring some good tunes and car games to keep sane. Good luck!

    P.S. So glad to hear things are almost back to normal in NJ. I was worried about y’all.

  5. Holy crap. First of all, I’m glad the rationing worked and you have enough gas to get you somewhere to really fill your tank so you can take your road trip. Although, I cannot imagine having to take such a long trip with the dogs. I’m also glad you shared fantastic links. That one about Williams-Sonoma actually had me laughing out loud — so freaking awesome!

  6. You are AMAZING … seriously, I bow before you! First, because you did take time out of your insane day to write this –and for that, I’m grateful because I loved every word of it. Second, because you are so in love with your husband, it even makes me love mine – and believe me, he is not a DIY’er. He’s not even a D-er. So … yeah. Finally, I just love your big heart and the way you make cookies for your kiddies and would even consider power-washing (that’s dangerous work!) .. but mostly because you’re so excited to go to Indiana (where my brother lives). Have a GREAT weekend, don’t get arrested with your free-range car dogs, and have a super love-fest with CC!

Comment. It gives me a reason not to clean my house.

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