The Last Time This Will Ever Happen

We were watching the Miss America pageant last month and #5 was waiting for his turn in the shower, dividing his attention between the television screen and spinning around in circles.

He spends an awful lot of time spinning in circles. He also has abs of steel. I do not believe these two things are coincidental. I’m working on him to make his own exercise video, but I need someone else to do the camera work because I get dizzy just watching him.

I heard his sister leave the bathroom while I was in the kitchen and called out to him that he could go in.

No response.

I walked out to find him standing completely still, transfixed, staring at the screen. Bikini-clad Miss America contestants with their million-dollar-smiles, and other assets, paraded across the stage and down the runway, one after the other. Hot American chicks as far as the camera could see.

Me: Hey bud, the shower’s open.

#5: {silence}

Me: Yo. Shower?

#5: {silence}

Me, stepping in front of him: Do you want to stay and watch all the pretty girls in bikinis?

#5: {looks at me, then back at the TV, coming out of his trance} Eww! No!

He ran out of the room. Another beautiful moment of boyhood, never to be repeated again.

Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I met #5’s friend’s parents because of a pickaxe accident? Yeah, that happened. You can read about in my new post over on Family Circle’s Momster blog: Meet the Parents…the Awkward Version.

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Now THAT’S a sandwich!

I Have Broken the Space-Time Continuum

Because that’s what happens when I try to coordinate and organize: I end up in three places at once. 

It really makes me uncomfortable when you do that.
It really makes me uncomfortable when you do that.

On Family Circle’s Momster blog, I’m talking about the benefits of treating your kids with inequity. That’s inequity, not iniquity. I’m not completely evil. (For the record: honoring a request to take one kid to KISS while denying a request to take a different kid to Justin Bieber is not evil; it’s self-preservation).

On Family Fusion Community I write about losing your sh.. temper with cute little short people. You just may pick up a tip on how to not break down a door.

Back to the space-time continuum.

Pfft. I break that continuum all the time. See? I'm breaking it right now.
Pfft. I break that continuum all the time. See? I’m breaking it right now.

The only other English word I could come up with that contains double U’s was vacuum. Turns out there are several more, but I had to google them and one is kind of gross so that’s where I stopped reading. I’m leaving the comments open so you can say your favorite word in English that has two U’s right in a row. Or else list one way KISS is better than Justin Bieber.

One Momster Sunday

Here in the Northeast, we have three more weeks of summer vacation left. School doesn’t start until September 9. This may be incomprehensible to many of you who have had your kids back in school for weeks but rest assured, we get out at the very ass-end of June. By the time your kids are sick of the town pool, mine haven’t even taken finals yet.

Over on Family Circle’s Momster blog, I wrote a post about subversive tactics to use with your kids in the fight against summer sloth. There’s nothing quite as satisfying as tricking your kids into thinking.

The Puggles were supposed to tell you about the post, which came out a while back, but they totally dropped the ball. Their two favorite people in the whole world–CC and #4– went out of town at the same time.

They were beside themselves.

Needy Puggles paint an ugly picture. I’m pretty sure they got drunk.

It certainly would explain that battery of late-night texts they sent from my phone that were full of poor grammar and spelling and looked as though they were typed by someone not in the possession of thumbs. Not to mention the pictures I found there.

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Anyway, I’m totally counting that as one of the links today, so go check it out: Picking Your Battles in the Fight Against Summer Sloth on Family Circle’s Momster.

Maybe you don’t have kids; maybe you’re single and dating. Maybe you do have kids and you’re dating. Maybe you want to be reminded of why you don’t date anymore, or how glad you are you got married if solely for the get-out-of-dating-free pass it gives you. Regardless, go check out Amy Neswald’s guest post on Psychology Today. She gives us Five Awkward First Dates You Probably Want to Avoid.

The best damn recipe for strawberry frosted cupcakes ever, on Marge Perry’s A Sweet and Savory Life… and if you don’t tear up a little at the story, you may be Satan.

Here’s a great resource I found on Twitter: 13 Inspirational TED Talks for Writers from Aerogramme Writers’ Studio.

And finally, if you’re a man who is planning on skinny dipping in Scandanavia, Beware the Pacu. It’s a fish. That’s all I’m going to say about it.

*whistling*

Oh, come on, you at least have to click through and see the picture.

Happy Sunday.