Zing, yoga edition.

Ever have one of those weeks where it seems you have all the time in the world to do everything you need to do, plus everything you want to do? A week where each day you wake up before the alarm even goes off and you’re full of energy? A week where absolutely nothing falls through the cracks?

Yeah, me neither.

And so sometimes I don’t post on schedule. Or with substance. I did have a pretty good yoga class this week though.

One of the places I practice yoga is in the city. I had to do a Google Earth search to get a picture of the front of the studio containing what I want to show you, because none of the published images show it.

“It” being the fact that that the yoga studio is on top of a “video” store. Actually, the studio is several floors above it. Frequently there are tour buses that park nearby. Sometimes I have the good fortune of arriving when a group of midwestern show choir kids have lined up to wait for their bus (and please do not misconstrue me; midwestern show choir kids are my people) and I get to wade through them as they are experiencing what appears to be their first viewing of such items as are on display in a “video” store window.

When that happens, it pretty much makes my whole day.

This yoga studio has excellent teachers. Some of them also make me laugh.

Here are some of the yoga zings I’ve heard lately (fill in your own accent, because each teacher has a different one, which I dearly love):

Teacher: There’s no reason to be afraid of bending backwards. Be afraid of hot dogs. And Ho-Ho’s.

Student: What’s a Ho-Ho?

Teacher: I was just asking myself that. What the hell do they put in there, anyway?

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Teacher: Wait, where are you going, running man? You have to stay in the room all ninety minutes. You’re not leaving, no?

Student: I’m going to throw up.

Teacher: Oh yes, by all means. All vomiting should be done in the restroom.

The student returned from the restroom and finished the class, and ever after was referred to as vomiting man instead of running man.

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Teacher: Just breathe. Don’t go to the crazy place, people.

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Another admonition about backbends:

Teacher: Don’t be afraid of backbends, people. Be afraid of fried chicken. Be afraid of green jello that your mom makes and puts cat food in it instead of something else.

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And finally, the dry erase board. I so wish I had a picture of the drawing they had done- a crocodile in bed with come-hither eyes. The caption read:

If you invite a crocodile into your bed, don’t be mad at the crocodile when it bites you in the ass. Namaste.

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Have you heard any good one-liners lately? Gotten any good advice? How’s your week going?

Go Guilty Pleasures!

Julie over at Go Guilty Pleasures is running a contest and this is my video entry for it. I love her blog- it’s ~~very informative and thought provoking~~ packed full o’ chipmunks. What’s better than that?

Here are her contest rules:

1 – Tell everyone who you are, why we should care, and what your silliest guilty pleasure is.

2 – Incorporate my favorite word: heinous.

3 – Oh yeah, you only have 30 seconds. (Because every game is funnier when the clock is ticking.)

In the comments section she said we could use our favorite word instead of hers. My favorite word (today) is inappropriate.

I enlisted the help of #5 to make the video and then we watched it.

#5: I don’t sound like that!

Me: Yes you do.

#5: How come the computer did that? It got my voice all wrong.

Me: You sound great!

#5: It’s all weird!

Me: Dude. At least you’re in tune.

#5: What do you mean?

Me: Didn’t you hear my voice crack at the end? I’m like, in a whole other key.

#5: I don’t like it.

Me: I promise you, I look like way more of an idiot than you do. You look cute. I look pathetic.

#5: Really?

Me: Really. You’re good. You’re a nine-year-old boy. Therefore, everything you do is awesome. I’m a thirty-nine-year old woman. Therefore, most of what I do is just sad.

#5: {looks skeptical}

Me: Can I use it to enter the contest?

#5: What’s the prize?

Me: I dunno. Something awesome. Maybe a chipmunk.

#5: Okay then. You can use it.

The fact that I am willing to post this video on the internet should tell you how bad I love this particular guilty pleasure.

Is he awesome or what? Are we going to beat Renée’s entry?

The song is My Chemical Romance’s Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)

Accents and Dialects

Howdy, all y’all.

Today I’m doing a vlog to show you how I speak.

I first found this prompt for accents and dialects on Jessica’s blog, Meet the Buttrams. Her accent is super-cute. I also saw it on Lessons From Teachers and Twits and She’s a Maineiac.

I work with actors and I’m always impressed with how they’re able to slip in and out of dialects and accents. Most impressive was when we were opening the London company of Jersey Boys; in tech rehearsals when we stopped, the actors would turn on a dime from dirty Jersey to the Queen’s English.

I don’t think I have an accent. I’ve noticed though that most people don’t think they have an accent.

The sound is a bit low and at times doesn’t match the video. The irony is not lost on me.

The Words: Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting Image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught.

• • •

The Questions:

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body & extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

So, whaddaya say- do I have an accent or not? Do you?