This makes me happy. The puppies keeping watch, waiting for their kids to walk home from school.
Yes, those are lightsabers behind them. They took a break from their Jedi battle because it was coming on three o’clock.
Lots of little kids walk past our house after school. The puppies are known for their flatulence, not their eyesight. I always wonder how they can tell their kids from the others.
God forbid if someone has an after school activity. They’ll stay here all afternoon until they all come home.
The start of the custody transition. #5 comes to us a month shy of his fourth birthday still not potty-trained. Enter the aptly named Celeste, the first of our many heaven-sent babysitters, who promptly begins bribing him with Skittles, to great effect.
CC and I and all the kids are walking downtown, heading to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner, when #5 suddenly grabs his crotch and screams “PEE!”. I’m still new at all this, so we quickly decide that it will be better for me to handle one boy rather than four girls, and #5 and I run full out towards the bathroom at CPK.
We make it.
It’s a small bathroom, two stalls. The only one open is the handicapped stall and we go in. I immediately see the problem: the toilet, built up to accommodate wheelchair users, is pretty high for a not-quite-four-year-old boy.
I am prepared to do anything to make this right because all I can think is that if I screw this up, he’s going to be hitting kindergarten still not potty trained.
Me: Hey buddy, this toilet is kind of high. Do you want me to lift you up? Do we need to wait for the other stall? Do you want to sit?
#5: No, it’s okay. My penis is big and I can stand on my tippy-toes.
My last day in Berlin I walked past a record store.
A real record store, with vinyl.
By myself, on my thirty-ninth birthday. I can’t begin to express exactly how much this thrilled me.
I flipped through nearly all the vinyl they had outside. For no good reason, I picked up a couple 45’s: Alice Cooper’s Elected and The Four Seasons’ Beggin’ (or, as we like to call it, Bacon). I also picked this up for CC:
A German/English sound effects record, including background children’s noises for “Children-Scenes”, apparently recorded by a lovely young lady with quite a stereo pair. Because I couldn’t have made any of that up.
They also had CD’s. I went in, and by this time I had given up pretending that I was ever going to speak their language and asked the lady behind the counter in English, “What’s the best German band I’ve never heard of?” She asked me what type of music. She then gave me two CD’s, with a smile that held the universal excitement of turning someone on to music they’ve never heard before, and a very German “You MUST get these!” She let me listen to them but I was already sold.
From the liner notes for Ege Bamyasi: “Guitarist the late Michael Karoli later complained that the sessions were frustrated by keyboardist Irmin Schmidt and vocalist Damo Suzuki’s playing chess obsessively day in, day out.” As my friend Drew says: It’s like Meddle Pink Floyd did the nasty with Parliament Funkadelic.
Their liner notes are all in Germish. Here’s all you need to know: Metal, with multiple bagpipe players. Described elsewhere as “Folk/Medieval Metal” (that website also listed Carmina Burana as a lyrical theme. Which is also true.). They have been around since 1995 and I can’t believe something this awesome has existed for so long and it took me sixteen years and a trip out of the country to find it.
I’ve been playing that disc nonstop this week. This is our conversation in the van:
#2: Is this your weird Germish band again?
Me: Yes.
(repeat four more times with the other kids).
This link will take you to view the video on You Tube. I am pretty sure he raises someone from the dead in it. Plus they’re on a boat. And the dude playing the cittern or whatever the hell it is Robert Trujillo-style: brilliant. Again, I say to you: Germans are badass.
JM Randolph, accidentalstepmom 