Putting Our Skills To Use

My sister, Beth, left this morning. #5 wants her to come back next week with her whole family, including her husband and Tall Nephew and Super-Tall Nephew. He has drawn up a sleeping plan for our house that involves CC and I sharing our queen-sized bed with my brother-in-law.

Beth put #5 to bed last night while we were at the party. He shared with her his design for a bacon hat and also told her that he is closer to the genetic makeup of a monkey than most people. He encouraged her to have another baby, but this time a girl, and then she could give the baby to us in exchange for him, and she would have five boys and we would have five girls. If she wouldn’t do that, he wondered if she would consider trading Slightly-Larger Nephew for #4.

Separately, #1 asked if Beth would trade Tiny Nephew for #5.

Regarding the party, in case you were wondering (and even if you weren’t), yes, it’s awesome to be at the party of the show that wins. I’ll wait while you imagine glamourous party scenes, like me doing shots with Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

(This is where the people that know me in real life are having fits of hilarity) I actually hate parties, but even I couldn’t hate this one. Here’s reality: I’m both anti-social and socially inept. I don’t drink anymore. A good party for me means I have a place to sit. Plus, I knew like six people there and none of them are famous.

These were the cool things about the party to me:

The front room was like a greenhouse; an entire building’s length of glass, and we watched the Tony broadcast on a ginormous screen that was mounted on the outside of a different building across the courtyard.

They had chrome toilets in the restrooms.

When the broadcast was over and the DJ started and the sound suddenly increased by about 90dB, we put our sound guy skills to use and unplugged the feed to the nearest speaker, making it almost possible to have a conversation where we were sitting.

Here’s a Tony hanging out on a coffee table with a drink. This happened more than once. Think about it: in a normal party situation, if you’re standing around, you always face the challenge of how to hold your plate and your drink and use silverware at the same time. What if you’re a moderately famous person who has an award to deal with as well? How do you eat and drink and shake hands? You set that mother down, that’s what you do.

For the record, the math that makes nine Tonys = nine vodkas is entirely subjective, and not highly recommended.


26 thoughts on “Putting Our Skills To Use

  1. Me too, I don’t drink anymore but being a non-drinker I was labelled. I’m no longer invited to those parties but i don’t care I hold gatherings of my own to which only those people I know is present. By the way, I like to have a chrome toilet too. lol! 🙂

  2. I love parties! But not as much as I did when I was younger, simply because the next day is usually a wasted day at my age. Getting home at 5am is not something I cope with as well as I did in my 30s – sadly! 😥

    Oh, yes, I so totally understand the problem of what to do with the award – pity I’ve never actually had one to worry about! 😆

    1. I would imagine it’s a little like having to carry a newborn around at a cocktail party, except you can’t set the baby down on the coffee table because it will roll away. Having never had to carry either an award or a baby around like that, this is pure conjecture on my part.

      1. Uh, if you remember, Greatsby was insistent that in the new DiCaprio version of Great Gatsby, Leo’s Gatsby should not be so visible as Redford’s was in the early one…because he does not show up to his own parties and only makes his first appearance on page 60 of the book. That’s pretty illusive, alright, not showing up to your own parties. Very Gatsby, tho. Very mysterious. I do it one better; I don’t have the party first, then also do not show up for it.

  3. That sounds like it turned out pretty well for all involved. Congrats to everyone working on “The Book of Mormon.” I’d thought that musical would either do brilliantly or flop utterly based on the subject material alone, but it seems like the South Park boys still have the touch.

    Partying and drinking do sort of lose their appeal once you hit your 30s, as Team up there said. It’s hard to pull yourself back together still half drunk and on two hours sleep. I’d much rather have fun watching other people do stupid things I know they’re going to pay for later. 🙂

  4. Oh, my gosh, I would’ve had a blast! I have no problem blending in, walking up and introducing myself to strangers, and am never at a loss for something to say. I have a little problem though, in that I don’t look at other people as important merely by who they are, who they know, or what they do. I could give a flying—-. This has gotten me in trouble with previous employers who rode the ego wagon. I would’ve milked that night for everything it was worth! 😉

    1. Somehow, it doesn’t surprise me that you’re never at a loss for something to say! You’re like a pinch hitter, but for parties. That’s awesome! Seems like you could get a side business going with that.

  5. Dear Ms. JM,
    The wonderful thing about NOT being a party animal is the opportunity to put one’s observational skills to good use. Mother Hen would have given her eyeteeth to have been there, and you know how rare hen’s teeth are!
    Mother Hen loves the juxtaposition of the toilet and Tony in one blog post. The irony is nothing short of magnificent.
    Perceptively yours,
    Mother Hen

    1. Thank you, Mother Hen, for your tremendous compliments. I would wear your teeth on a necklace, or perhaps as earrings. Out of respect for you, I will not tell you what they served on the buffet.

    1. I’m assuming you’re jealous of the part at the beginning of the post where I mention the sleeping plan that #5 drew up that has me sharing my bed with both my husband and my brother-in-law.

  6. There’s a Tony sitting on the table, yet all I’m thinking about is that chrome toilet. Annnd this is why I had no choice but to start a guilty pleasure blog.

Comment. It gives me a reason not to clean my house.

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