No Good Deed…

The first thing I did this morning: I got up and looked out the window, praying please no snow, please no snow under my breath.

There was no snow! It may be the only reason I didn’t go back to bed.

My husband went out of town for a couple days and I realized after he left that I don’t know how to use our newly-temporarily-acquired snow blower. I’m sure I can figure it out, but I have fears of things like putting the wrong fuel in. Is it a gas/oil blend? What if it’s diesel? Or plutonium? This is a deep seated fear from my childhood based in a very foggy memory that I am not sure is even mine. We used to have a dishwasher, and once my mother used the wrong soap in it and broke it.

Wait, is that even possible?

All I know is that we never had another dishwasher until my parents divorced.

Hmmm.

I have a new post up on Family Circle’s Momster blog about forcing kids to shovel snow. The bonus of writing about shoveling is I keep hearing tips from people. One lovely lady told me her parents used to lock them out of the house until they were finished with the driveway.

Did I mention the kids never read my blog?

Here’s the link: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.

You can leave your tips on making kids shovel snow below.

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The Last Time This Will Ever Happen

We were watching the Miss America pageant last month and #5 was waiting for his turn in the shower, dividing his attention between the television screen and spinning around in circles.

He spends an awful lot of time spinning in circles. He also has abs of steel. I do not believe these two things are coincidental. I’m working on him to make his own exercise video, but I need someone else to do the camera work because I get dizzy just watching him.

I heard his sister leave the bathroom while I was in the kitchen and called out to him that he could go in.

No response.

I walked out to find him standing completely still, transfixed, staring at the screen. Bikini-clad Miss America contestants with their million-dollar-smiles, and other assets, paraded across the stage and down the runway, one after the other. Hot American chicks as far as the camera could see.

Me: Hey bud, the shower’s open.

#5: {silence}

Me: Yo. Shower?

#5: {silence}

Me, stepping in front of him: Do you want to stay and watch all the pretty girls in bikinis?

#5: {looks at me, then back at the TV, coming out of his trance} Eww! No!

He ran out of the room. Another beautiful moment of boyhood, never to be repeated again.

Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I met #5’s friend’s parents because of a pickaxe accident? Yeah, that happened. You can read about in my new post over on Family Circle’s Momster blog: Meet the Parents…the Awkward Version.

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Now THAT’S a sandwich!

I Have Broken the Space-Time Continuum

Because that’s what happens when I try to coordinate and organize: I end up in three places at once. 

It really makes me uncomfortable when you do that.
It really makes me uncomfortable when you do that.

On Family Circle’s Momster blog, I’m talking about the benefits of treating your kids with inequity. That’s inequity, not iniquity. I’m not completely evil. (For the record: honoring a request to take one kid to KISS while denying a request to take a different kid to Justin Bieber is not evil; it’s self-preservation).

On Family Fusion Community I write about losing your sh.. temper with cute little short people. You just may pick up a tip on how to not break down a door.

Back to the space-time continuum.

Pfft. I break that continuum all the time. See? I'm breaking it right now.
Pfft. I break that continuum all the time. See? I’m breaking it right now.

The only other English word I could come up with that contains double U’s was vacuum. Turns out there are several more, but I had to google them and one is kind of gross so that’s where I stopped reading. I’m leaving the comments open so you can say your favorite word in English that has two U’s right in a row. Or else list one way KISS is better than Justin Bieber.