The other night at dinner, it became apparent to me that the kids were questioning my intelligence. Not in that typical “My parents don’t know anything” way, but regarding my accumulated knowledge and how I was as a student.
They thought I was dumb.
I was baffled. I had no idea where this was coming from.
I know how to read.
Of course I grew immediately defensive. It seemed like the smart thing to do.
Me: I’m smart!
Them: {silence}
Me: Really! I’m smart!
Them: {hard stares at their food}
Me: I was in advanced English my senior year in high school!
Them: {silence}
Me: National Honor Society!
#2: How do you get in to that?
Me: Wouldn’t you like to know! If you’re so smart, you’d know!
Them: {silence}
Me: Top ten percent of my class of 750? 3.8 GPA?
They exchanged the kind of glances that their Dad and I exchange when we’re inwardly making fun of them but trying to give an outward appearance of propriety.
We are four and a half school days away from summer vacation. While I suspect I may grow even dumber over the break, I rest comfortably knowing they will have fewer opportunities to prove it to me.
This is #4 a year ago after we did the first trial run of her makeup for her school’s talent show.
One of her friends that suggested they do a version of Rock and Roll All Nite for the event. How, may you ask, did a group of fourth-grade girls come to this decision? Simple: Gene Simmons is a genius.
About two years ago, I suddenly tuned in to what #4 and #5 were singing that I’d been ignoring for several minutes.
#4 and #5: I. Wanna rockandroll all niiiiiight. And party ev-a-ree day. I.
They were six and nine at the time. I suppose I should have taken the opportunity to give an anti-drug speech, but “party” has a very different meaning to most nine year olds than it does to most teenagers. Plus, I like the band.
I rifled through my CD’s and pulled out Destroyer and KISS. #5 by this time had gone off in pursuit of something shiny or else bacon, so I handed them to #4 and told her to check them out. She came back about twenty minutes later.
#4: I love this band!
If you have kids of a certain age, you probably are familiar with the cartoon Fairly Odd Parents. That May they did this heavily promoted mini series epic adventure, the Wishology Trilogy. It was all the little kids were talking about. Timmy had to do something dreadfully important in order to save himself and all of humanity and Fairyland.
Somehow, the key to the entire thing suddenly involved KISS and one of their guitars. Again, I say to you, Gene Simmons is a genius. The Big Beginning to Wishology ends with a performance by a cartoon KISS of Rock n Roll All Nite.
Back to my story. These girls decide all on their own that they’re going to do a full lip sync performance, costumes and makeup and props and the whole deal. They practiced a lot over at someone else’s house, one mom helped get outfits together, I helped find wigs and makeup, and they did all the rest. They even did their own choreography. The only thing left for the moms to do was actually apply the makeup. I think it was, to date, the most stressful thing I’ve done as a parent, not counting emergency room visits.
I only wish I had better pictures. It was awesome. See the tiny kick drum with the band logo? Sweet.
It was one of those talent shows where everybody wins, which was annoying, because they totally kicked everyone else’s ass, even if they were lip synching.
Hula hoops? Please. We're KISS.
Yes, there are two Pauls (because there are five friends). Sadly, one of the Pauls had to move away before Halloween, when the whole thing was revisited. She was missed.
A girly moment
That Halloween was the only year that CC and I have both been off and able to take the kids trick-or-treating. Only #4 and #5 will still be seen with us.
That’s okay. We walked with #5 and watched as KISS hit every house, and dare I say it? They were rock stars. Great reactions from everyone who answered the door.
Shortly after Halloween, KISS played Madison Square Garden and I got to take #4 to her very first concert. The night that I scored the tickets online, she was already in bed. I went in and woke her up.
Me: Wake up. I have to tell you something.
#4: (blinks) Am I in trouble?
Me: No, I got you something! I got us something.
#4: What?
Me: KISS tickets! We’re going to see KISS in concert in six weeks.
#4: Everybody?
Me: No, just me and you.
#4: (starts crying)
Me: Oh no! I thought you’d want to go!
#4: I do! I do! These are happy tears!
I didn’t know kids had happy tears. I do now.
We didn’t do makeup for the concert, but we had a blast.
So let’s recap. From one Fairly Odd Parents episode that was viewed in my house, KISS grossed $180 for two concert tickets, $20 for the new CD, $35 for a t-shirt, and just over $125 for five KISS wigs. Nicely done, Gene. Well played.
#1 had a doctor’s appointment today and I looked up the directions for her. In my defense, I didn’t do anything to her that I wouldn’t have done to myself. Had it been me driving, the same thing would have happened. Well, up to a point anyway. She got lost, missed her appointment, and it’s my fault. So here are some pictures, a little visual salad of my past week, while I wait for her to find her way home again.
#2’s Choir concert. She’s in the front row on the far right. She was good, and she looked like she was having fun up there (neither one of those really comes through in the picture). I harassed the tech guys (adults) at the booth during intermission and gave them our info in case they need any help. They looked kinda relieved. I’m not quite sure what I’ve gotten myself into.
*************************************
Casey, listing to starboard on a basket of clean laundry. She gets more sausage-like every day.
**************************************
Gratuitous Tiny Nephew baby foot picture.
*************************************
These are shots of the room that #3 & #4 share, before we spent a few hours on it. Believe it or not, this wasn’t that bad. We gathered four baskets of laundry, two bags of trash, and two bags of donations.
*************************************
Action shots of the puggles unmaking my bed. Casey wraps up like a burrito and Jack jumps on her head and then they bite each other’s faces through the bedspread. Neat.
*************************************
Picture my sister sent me on my phone. Look familiar? Slightly-Larger Nephew strikes again.
*************************************
Herbs that CC planted before work. This makes me very happy. We have a bajillion deer and planting in boxes on the deck is the only way to keep plant things from being eaten prematurely by animal things that aren’t us.
**************************************
And finally, the silver Mystery Utensil my mom gave me for Mother’s Day (I had to have my sister mail it to me because I was flying with only a carry on bag and I was sure it looked weapon-like, considering how bothered they were by my tea canister on the way out). I know what it is only because my mom told me when she gave it to me. This thing was the highlight of my Memorial Day. Anyone here know what it is?
JM Randolph, accidentalstepmom 