My Vet’s Hotter Than Your Vet

Recently we changed vets. Our former vet was at the super chain pet emporium. Great staff; terrible corporate-structured business plan designed to make sure that every time you take your dog in it will cost at least $500. And  it will have to stay overnight.

So we have a new vet that we love even though we’ve only been there once so far. Then Casey developed an issue. There’s no polite way to say it: she wouldn’t pee. When I called to bring her in they asked if I could get a sample.

Me: Umm. That’s kind of the problem. Nothing’s really coming out.

They said not to worry about it. They’d take care of it at the office.

Casey and Jack are terribly attached to each other. Jack more so; he screams whenever they are separated. Yes, screams. Ever heard a pug scream? Click here. It’s neat. And loud. He started screaming when Casey and I walked out the door and he got left behind. I could hear him as I was pulling out of the driveway, even with the house closed up and the car windows rolled up.

In the car Casey jumped into my lap and forced her full body weight against my chest. She trembled silently as I attempted to steer around her. It was pathetic.

At the vet she kept looking back over her shoulder at me. Without her twin there, she was completely ungrounded.

We waited in the exam room.

Casey under my chair in the exam room

And then the doctor came in.

This was a different doctor than the one we saw before. Much different. This doctor was a hot Columbian chick in leather pants, knee-high boots, and a lab coat.

She was awesome.

We discussed Casey, and then the doctor scooped her up under one arm before Casey even knew what was going on and took her in the back to “get a sample”.

I’m not entirely sure how they managed to get a sample out of her. Did they just squeeze it out? Is it in any way like milking a cow? I kept picturing different scenarios until she came back in with Casey. And a sample.

I didn’t ask.

We put Casey on the exam table- which was an elevator, which totally freaked her out- and I held her head in a futile attempt to relax her. The vet meanwhile slapped on a rubber glove, lubed up and started manually checking Casey’s urethra for stones. Then she spoke to Casey in the most incongruous baby-dog voice and Casey calmed right down. Didn’t seem to mind at all. And I couldn’t think of a single appropriate thing to say.

Jack was Still. Screaming. When we got home. I’m glad no one called the cops on us this time. That happened.

Thinking about it afterwards, leather pants seem really appropriate for vets. They clean easily and offer way more protection against scratches and bites than scrubs do. There are probably a lot of other occupations that could benefit from leather pants. This has become my current obsession and I would love your input on which occupations you think could really do a better job utilizing all the benefits of leather pants.

Really, we’d all benefit. I’m thinking here perhaps a National Leather Pants Day (there isn’t one; I checked. There is, however, a National No Pants Day, though there is some great debate on what day that is).

 Meanwhile, your questions of the day: How do you think they got “the sample”? Who do you think should be wearing leather pants? When is National No Pants Day, and are you going to celebrate it?

Casey is going to be fine. Even with four medicines (because she also has an infection in her ear and between her toes) it was less than $500 and she didn’t have to stay overnight. One of the medicines is a shampoo for just her paws.

That I am supposed to leave on for fifteen minutes.

Which should be interesting.

Remember to enter my Pi Day Pie Challenge!


22 thoughts on “My Vet’s Hotter Than Your Vet

    1. You’re just jealous because you missed the hot vet. I noticed you’re taking a much greater interest in the health of the puggles. “Hey, don’t they need to go back to the vet? Hey, we should really get this checked out. No, no, I’ll take them, you stay here. . . what’s that vet’s name again?”

  1. Lawyers. Lawyers should wear leather pants. That is all.

    Oh, except to say that every day is no pants day in my house. For my boys, anyway. It’s like they are allergic to material touching their legs or something. And when I say boys, I mean ALL my boys, the big one being the worst of all.

    1. Hmm… the guy I’m dating is a J.D. Not a practicing attorney, but it counts. And he would look TOTALLY hot in leather pants. Except I hate men in leather pants. Oh, I’m all conflicted.

  2. For those who are intimidated by leather pants: wear chaps for awhile to make the transition. (With regular pants underneath… be sure to specify that… or not, depending on the hotness of the guy/girl) Kat

    1. A very important specification. I recently had an entire conversation with someone at work who was wearing chaps and I didn’t notice. He was, in fact, wearing pants underneath. Which is not technically a requirement at my workplace.

  3. Ha! That must have been an interesting explanation to the cops. Maybe cops should wear leather pants. “Do you know why I pulled you over?” “To show off your fancy pants?”

    1. You are more than welcome to come borrow a puggle, but I’m afraid that the male vets at this place don’t have quite the same presence as this lady. Plus you’d have to pay the bill.

  4. First of all, every time I hear “leather pants” I play the scene from “Friends” in my head, where Ross is trying to pull up the leather pants he’s wearing on a date while he’s in the bathroom and can’t because he’s sweating and then he tries baby powder and it forms a paste.

    NOT sexy.

    Secondly, I totally thought that vets should NOT wear leather pants, because they would get all torn and stained and whatnot. So apparently I care more about the pants than about skin.

    1. Ha! I like the way you think, on both counts! I always felt like my leather pants were pretty damn indestructible. The only thing they haven’t held up to so far is weight gain.

  5. I should wear leather pants to work. I’m a cake decorator. Think about it. Any stray icing would just wipe right off. I have to use a walk in freezer that is about -2. Leather pants would keep me warm… Must discuss a uniform change with my boss!

    1. I fully support you. You can always drop in that they would be OSHA-certified leather pants. I am pretty sure everything Donna Karan makes carries that certification automatically.

  6. Leather pants, huh? Now if I were to go to my vet, hairdresser, grocery store, pretty much anywhere where I’m paying someone money, and they are wearing leather pants, I’d have to wonder if I’m being overcharged. But then I’m just cheap, so there you go.

    Poor Casey!

  7. This blog is hysterical bc i have a hot vet, my dog cries, and 3 step children… the youngest and most work (12) I have no clue what do do with her other than give her glitter and craft projects to do while secretly drinking copious amts of wine behind her back, while listening to her boy crazed, I hate school stories… Lol discovering this today was meant to be. Oh plus her new thing is, I want an iphone…. lovely. And the phrase “Don’t tell my father.”
    Please keep sharing. And thank you.

Comment. It gives me a reason not to clean my house.

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