When the kids first came to live with us, we lived in an impressively tiny three-bedroom apartment. As small as you can get and still have three areas where there are beds surrounded by walls.
There was one bathroom.
It was so small that when I moved in, I only unpacked my clothes, and not even all of those.
The main area was a living room that ran into the kitchen, all open together, and the kitchen floor was another place for the kids to hang out (because the bedrooms were so small, this was one of exactly three places they could hang out, unless you count the outside, in which case there were four).
One day I was in the kitchen pretending to make dinner and #5 was spinning around on the floor. He was four years old. Suddenly, he started screaming, “Owie, owie owie!!!” and grabbed his head. Because I didn’t see him hit his head and had been a parent for about nine days, I knew that he was having either a stroke or an aneurysm and would be dead within seconds, and I bent down and grabbed him in a blind panic.
“What’s wrong buddy? Can you wiggle your toes? Blink if you can hear me!”
He stopped crying long enough to reach up and grab the zipper on my sweater. Let me clarify that: he grabbed the zipper of my cardigan, underneath which I was wearing nothing (and I mean nothing) and yanked it down, and thus, wide open.
Then he snickered.
And that’s the story of how #5 faked a head injury in order to look down (around? through?) my shirt.
He went on to successfully perform variations of this trick on my mother, one of his cousins, several well-endowed babysitters, and probably a few people I don’t know about.
Here’s another post about him getting a head start: Confidence Is Everything.
JM Randolph, accidentalstepmom 
ALready… a man after the ladies.
Splendid… Ha!
The kid will be a great democrat. Or a great republican.
Or a great Libertarian (or is that Libertine? hmmmm)
He started early alright!
I think he was born this way.
#5 is definitely alive 🙂
Yessir!
I AM SO PROUD
You would be.
He wasn’t breastfed, perhaps?
Boys and boobs – there’s no getting away from that obsession it seems.
Hand in hand with the fart jokes, right?
Yep! LOL Testosterone!!!
So far, so good in our house! Actually, my hair is way more of a fascination than my boobs!
That’s a really good thing. It’s better that way.
Woo hoo, Team #5 going strong! I also especially liked, “One day I was in the kitchen pretending to make dinner…”
CC is the cook in our house. He’s amazing. My version of dinner is “heating things up”. I consider it real cooking because I use the stove and/or oven. But when I compare it to what he makes, it’s pretending to cook.
It must be inspiring to see him so focused on obtaining a goal at such a young age.
If only he showed the same focus on anything else besides this and video games (and, of course, bacon).
😀
hilarious
This kid cracks me up. Frequently.
Smart young man there heh.
Takes after his Dad.
And so it goes…the pervaciousness is there from the get-go. Ugh. Did you, like, scream?
At first, I was just so completely taken aback that I just stayed there, with my mouth (and sweater) open. Then I zipped up. Then I called his father. Who laughed. Then I did too.
Mother Hen loved the incongruity of “impressively tiny.” Does that qualify as an oxymoron? Inquiring chickens want to know.
As for #5, let’s just say he is…precocious.
Mother Hen
At least until the authorities come up with another term.
It is absolutely an oxymoron. As was the house. Here’s to hoping the authorities never need another word other than precocious.
Bacon and Boobs… I absolutely love #5.
What else is there, really?
Being President, it seems. Our Miss O 2 announced tonight “I am the President”. Of what, I am not sure!
haha, “they start young,” great title. This post didn’t go anywhere I thought it would… but I guess I should expect that from you now. Much needed levity, yes.
I saw this and thought of you and #5
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_GRANDSON_ASSAULTED_BACON?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2011-06-30-12-10-05
Oh my. This is why we must always make extra bacon.
The kid I nanny-ed never tried to fondle me, but his friends would come of with some creative ways to ‘bump’ into me. I would never have attempted this on a guy as a young girl!