#5’s birthday is just days after school starts. When he started kindergarten, he was still four years old for a few days. I know a lot of parents that would have waited to start him in school. Thankfully, they don’t live in our house.
His favorite thing in the world is bacon. This year his teacher celebrates birthdays by having every student write something nice about the birthday kid and draw a picture. Then she takes all these sheets and staples them together in a book for the birthday kid. #5’s book is full of variations on: he’s smart, he’s funny, he likes bacon.
Inexplicably, his second favorite thing in the world is zombies.
The other thing that happens right after school starts is school picture day. I don’t remember school pictures happening so quickly when I was in school. Probably my mom is just a better parent than me and was way more on top of this stuff than I am. But honestly, it’s the second or third day of school. I can never remember which.
All the kids get a billion pieces of paper on the first day of school, which I promptly put in The Pile, to sort through eventually (that’s a total of five billion pieces of paper, for those of you following along at home). Somewhere in there are the order forms for picture day. I never get through The Pile in time for picture day, because it’s like tomorrow, or the day after. Hell, who am I kidding? I never get through The Pile, period.
Luckily both the school and the kids know this. The school knows how to get my money for pictures, and the kids know to wear their favorite clothes on the right day.
They also know not to remind me it’s picture day if they think I may have something to say about their choice of clothing.
This is the t-shirt (yes, t-shirt) #5 wore for school pictures this year. Be sure to check out my mad ironing skills in these pictures.
This is the shirt he wore for school pictures last year.
This is the shirt I bought him for Christmas this year, which I have a
sneaking suspicion may end up in school pictures next year.
JM Randolph, accidentalstepmom 
You can’t blame a kid for their love of bacon.
If I still ate meat I would eat bacon all the time. I don’t know what it is about that crispy piece of flesh, but it sure is tasty.
Bacon is actually what pulled me out of being a vegetarian. Well, bacon and Tulsa. It was either eat the bacon or sell my soul. I chose bacon.
#5 is going to wind up being the coolest kid anybody knows, because he makes statements without really trying. He doesn’t have an attitude problem; he’s just keepin’ it real. All the other kids will look up to him, and in the end, he will have you to thank for his self-esteem and security. Unless his hair sticks up in the pictures.
Yeah! Um, wait, I have to look at the hair. I was so focused on the shirts.
I love #5, and bacon!. This is hilarious.
My mom used to dress to the 9’s on picture day because she thought it reflected poorly on her if we looked “normal”. In my 2nd grade picture I’m wearing the flower girl dress I wore for my uncle’s very fancy wedding. A flower girl dress. To school. Classy.
That’s awesome! I hope you bring that up as often as possible.
Thank you for giving me at least one reason to laugh out loud..by myself!
My favorite kind of laughs. Better than trying to explain it to someone!
the kid has good taste! redneck princess sent me your way and i am thankful, because your blog is funny and all of us parent types can use a little laughter!
Thanks for stopping by!
If #5 is into bacon and zombies, you simply MUST check out this website (in which I have absolutely no financial or personal stake, cross-my-heart)!
I ordered a pile of stuff from there for Christmas and all of them were hits.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/
You can thank me later!
Jodi
I just noticed that there is even a zombie haiku book! What could be better?
Jodi
Sweet!
I let my kids wear T-shirts on picture day. All I ask is that the T-shirts and faces are not smeared in food.
Sometimes, the food happens anyway…I wish they would take photos before lunch.
That should be the rule. Pictures before lunch.
Ever since reading this post I’ve had this song in my head. If #5 hasn’t seen this cartoon (on Cartoon Network, though they don’t make new episodes anymore) he would probably love it.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWeP3u5hY8w&feature=related]
There we go.
The cartoon is The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, by the way.
This is awesome! He would totally love it.
I don’t know what I love more – bacon or this blog! …#5 rules!
That’s gonna go to his head and he’ll demand more bacon.
Luckily for some mothers, we have things called school uniforms. So everyone wears the same thing! Which would have solved your problem, Don’t Marke That Face!! I can’t imagine your situation!
I’m with #5 – bacon all the way! Not so keen on the zombies.
Yay for school uniforms!
Oh man, would I love uniforms. They would hate them.
I loved this! I laughed out loud many, many times… and I also love your post about Brickie. I know exactly how you feel about school picture day. I have 4 of my own, and two years ago, on the night before school picture day, my appendix ruptured. One of the first things I said upon waking up after surgery… “Great. We’re gonna have to get retakes.”
Also… I, too, love bacon! Go #5!
You, though, are truly a Real Mom! Even under extreme duress you knew exactly when those pictures were supposed to happen. Awesome.
I love this kid!
Me too! He’s a piece of work.
#5 sounds like a gem. I’d love to have any of those three shirts, ironed or not.
Taking the liberty of reposting this here. I think you’ll enjoy it. My take on school pictures. http://wp.me/pV7CB-60
I hope you know you can share anything on my blog, as well. Except that vomit bug.
That totally made my day. Awesome. Yes, please, post whatever you like here. Maybe if we trade leftover school pictures, we won’t have to shell out as much next year.
He’ll probably grow up to be a neuroscientist or something like that way beyond cool Dr. David Eagleman (see this month’s New Yorker). How can you not love a kid that is into brains, bacon and zombies? My kind of man!
He needs a Bacon-Eating Sock Zombie!!!! http://www.etsy.com/shop/underroos