I remembered this image when I was searching for a title to start writing today’s post. I was going to call it:
Jesus Christ. What Happened?
and then I realized I could also call it:
Jesus Christ (what happened).
And then I giggled uncontrollably because I’m doing production on a show that has Jesus in it and it’s the reason I’ve been posting so sparsely and sporadically since December. I would like to say that everyone here at work in the theater turned around and asked me what I was laughing at but the truth is they’re all so used to me being on auto-giggle by now that no one paid any attention and even if they had, they wouldn’t laugh anyway.
We’re at that point.
One of my favorite places in New York is the Westerly Market. It’s a small natural foods grocery store that I love mostly because it has tasty snacks and my favorite chocolate. They have healthy things too, including a juice bar.
We had a strangely-timed lunch break today because we’re shooting B-roll (video to be used for publicity) so I went to Westerly and hit the juice bar. I got a shot of wheatgrass while I was waiting for my drink.
I dig wheatgrass. Sue me. And yes it does, in fact, taste like grass. I’m pretty sure when I was an infant I spent a significant portion of my crawling months eating grass. It’s just that good to me.
The drink I got today is called a Maca Firecracker. It’s coconut, cinnamon, agave, cayenne, and maca. It’s divine. Heavy on the cayenne, easy on the agave, as per my request.
It was perfect.
I paid at the juice bar ($12.50. No, I’m not making that up) and then grabbed my tasty snacks and went to the front counter to pay for them. You have to do that separately because making drinks that involve pressing wheatgrass and hacking open coconuts is quite time-consuming, and they can’t mess around with ringing up your tasty snacks back there at the juice bar.
At the front counter, I pay for my tasty snacks and then watch, like it’s in slow motion: My sleeve catching my Maca Firecracker and knocking it off the counter. The cup flipping upside down. Me screaming “nooooo!” in a very Wookieish voice. Half of my nectar of the gods rushing out of the broken lid.
Here’s the thing about a Maca Firecracker. When it’s spilled on the floor, it looks like vomit. I’ve never had so much personal space anywhere in New York City. I’m considering carrying around rubber vomit with me just to get everyone out of my hula hoop.
Oh, so back to the Jesus Christ (what happened) thing. I’m in production, blah blah blah. The hours are long, yadda yadda yadda. Also, there a lot of screens. It looks like this:
By the end of the first week of tech rehearsals I had the worst case of screen-related eye strain I’ve ever had (even worse than the case I got when I stayed up all night and wrote this post over the summer). When we finally reached the day off I had to lay around with my eyes shut. I didn’t even make it to yoga.
I had to read analogue books for a whole week (I read Sara Zarr’s How To Save A Life and Ree Drummond (aka The Pioneer Woman)’s Black Heels To Tractor Wheels)
Even now, ten days later, I can feel my retinas singeing. It’s still bad enough that I’m not even going to attempt to fix the alignment of these pictures.
Speaking of wheatgrass (and we were, earlier, I swear), there’s a guy I work with who is friends with a guy who started a wheatgrass company out of his apartment back in the day . The mice kept getting into and eating the wheatgrass. And the more they got into it, the harder they were to exterminate.
I feel like the wheatgrass people could make a motto out of that somehow.
I guess none of that really had anything to do with punctuation.
JM Randolph, accidentalstepmom 
All this had NO NEGATIVE EFFECT on how SPECTACULAR the sound was for JCS last night! Congrats!
Thanks so much!
Ok, so was the market nice enough to give you another Maca Firecracker?! For $12.50 you’d think they would…
Well the $12.50 did include the shot o’ wheatgrass. I didn’t ask for a replacement. I still had half left and it was the perfect blend.
Even in New York, they HAD to have given you a new Maca Firecracker, right?? They HAD to!
If not it’s gonna be: Let’s puree Westerly Market…. NOT Let’s puree, Westerly Market.
Boy, I feel you on the eye strain thing, though — when I was posting every day for What Gives 365 and spending 10 hours a day at the computer, I would go outside to drive for a coffee and literally be seeing double. It was B-A-D. Rest your peepers, sister!
Boy, it’s tricky- I don’t know how the video programmers and lighting designers do it. I may be mixing with my eyes closed tonight. LOVE your punctuation contribution! I didn’t push for another drink because I had to get back to work.
Damn I think I prematurely posted. But If I didn’t I said……how would Walken have said it? Ha. And I know talking smack about Westerly might make ya wanna kick me and it is a godly place but the Aisles!?! I hate having to subtley smell someones neck or rub my junk on theirs (depending what side they give me) just to pass. No?
You’re totally right. Gross, but right.
Your writing is always so descriptive, it just sucks me right in. I can almost taste the wheatgrass. You are living the life, girlfriends. Your job is very impressive! Can I live vicariously through you now?
girlfriend, not girlfriendS. See, I have trouble with punctuation and plural words.
I didn’t have to be in until 12:30 today and I actually saw #1 in the kitchen this morning. She said, “Hey! You still live here!”
Also, I think that in the slang context you could have been okay with the plural.
I always love me some JM in the morning (or any time)! And no, that’s not missing any punctuation. (That first picture killed me!)
I’ve had green smoothies (and I believe that price tag!), but I’m not sure if any included wheat grass. I’d definitely try it, because I would like to be more difficult to exterminate.
I hope you’re finding some time to take it easy!!
If you start juicing the wheatgrass you could add the tag line to your blog: Guilty Pleasures: Now More Difficult to Exterminate!
That is some crazy sound set up. Are you sure you haven’t accidentally changed jobs and are now flying planes?
My friend was very fond of saying these two gems: What’s in the road? A head? and What’s for dinner? Mother?
you’re welcome.
Several of the screens go away after we open. That leaves a bunch. Love your sentences!
Punctuation? You will just love Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynn Truss. You can see just how many possibilities punctuation makes in the title alone.
Awesome! Thanks, Carl- I’ll check it out!
Yeah, do – it’s awesome. The 10 year-old is learning about possessive apostrophes so he finally understands why I start screaming whenever I see “avocadoe’s” and “tomatoe’s” and “bean’s” advertised outside market gardens…
Do you mean the wheatgrass people should make up a motto to help market wheatgrass to mice? Choose wheatgrass for all your extermination prevention needs. It might also help humans avoid extermination.
Your life sounds as mad as mine is. With more screens.
Hi JM,
My first time on your blog, and I enjoyed it so much! Your posts are funny and weird and totally adorable. Following you now!
Please visit me at my book blog at http://riversihaveknown.wordpress.com/
If you like it, please follow!
Thanks
Goodness the hassle of punctuation. It makes the difference whenever I say: “Yeah, right” or “Yeah right?”. Unfortunately I always mix them up, it causes problems sometimes.
You do live sound? Pretty sweet! You would probably be the first female blogger that I’ve read about who does this (I study Audio Engineering and am making girly shrieky noises right now, uh-oh :D).
Hooray!