Well.

We got the kids’ school pictures back.

Here is the group shot of the fourth grade class.

Guess which one’s mine.

Yep, that’s his I Heart Bacon T-shirt. In my defense, school pictures were on a Wednesday this year and I’m on a bus for work by 6:20am on Wednesdays. {Bus? Did someone say bus? I’m pretty sure I just threw my husband under it.}

I told CC that if we wanted #5 to wear a decent shirt for school pictures next year, he would have to be the adult here because I already blew it. I couldn’t keep a straight face when I pulled this out of the envelope.

What’s your favorite school picture story?

Zing, yoga edition.

Ever have one of those weeks where it seems you have all the time in the world to do everything you need to do, plus everything you want to do? A week where each day you wake up before the alarm even goes off and you’re full of energy? A week where absolutely nothing falls through the cracks?

Yeah, me neither.

And so sometimes I don’t post on schedule. Or with substance. I did have a pretty good yoga class this week though.

One of the places I practice yoga is in the city. I had to do a Google Earth search to get a picture of the front of the studio containing what I want to show you, because none of the published images show it.

“It” being the fact that that the yoga studio is on top of a “video” store. Actually, the studio is several floors above it. Frequently there are tour buses that park nearby. Sometimes I have the good fortune of arriving when a group of midwestern show choir kids have lined up to wait for their bus (and please do not misconstrue me; midwestern show choir kids are my people) and I get to wade through them as they are experiencing what appears to be their first viewing of such items as are on display in a “video” store window.

When that happens, it pretty much makes my whole day.

This yoga studio has excellent teachers. Some of them also make me laugh.

Here are some of the yoga zings I’ve heard lately (fill in your own accent, because each teacher has a different one, which I dearly love):

Teacher: There’s no reason to be afraid of bending backwards. Be afraid of hot dogs. And Ho-Ho’s.

Student: What’s a Ho-Ho?

Teacher: I was just asking myself that. What the hell do they put in there, anyway?

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Teacher: Wait, where are you going, running man? You have to stay in the room all ninety minutes. You’re not leaving, no?

Student: I’m going to throw up.

Teacher: Oh yes, by all means. All vomiting should be done in the restroom.

The student returned from the restroom and finished the class, and ever after was referred to as vomiting man instead of running man.

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Teacher: Just breathe. Don’t go to the crazy place, people.

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Another admonition about backbends:

Teacher: Don’t be afraid of backbends, people. Be afraid of fried chicken. Be afraid of green jello that your mom makes and puts cat food in it instead of something else.

**********

And finally, the dry erase board. I so wish I had a picture of the drawing they had done- a crocodile in bed with come-hither eyes. The caption read:

If you invite a crocodile into your bed, don’t be mad at the crocodile when it bites you in the ass. Namaste.

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Have you heard any good one-liners lately? Gotten any good advice? How’s your week going?

One and Done #6

Welcome to One and Done Sunday. One picture and five links that are worth your time.

I took this picture through my dining room window, screen and all.

It’s not a Halloween decoration.

In my defense (and theirs), I will say that we have NO other bugs at my house. But spiders? Oh, we has them.

Here are your links.

Little kids playing Metallica = awesome. Watch this video and note that while there doesn’t seem to be a bass player, there are three guitar players, one of whom is playing left-handed, and the kid who gets the solo is a chick. Sweet! They’re all like ten years old. For my money, the singer who can’t say his R‘s yet makes it real. (Thanks for the link, Mike!)

Amy Stevens lives in Joplin, MO and was on the front line of this summer’s devastating tornado. What the hell does an ant have to do with surviving a tragedy? At her blog Life From The Trenches she tells you, in a most excellent way.

My friend Amy Neswald has gone back out on the road with a show. She’s dating her way across the country and blogging about it. On her blog 50 dates in 50 states she lays out the rules. This is going to be a fun one to follow.

Elena Aitken wrote a short story about best friends and breast cancer and I downloaded it for ninety-nine cents and read it at work, and then I got all weepy and had to pretend like I got hot sauce in my eye. It’s called Betty and Veronica and you should get it.

Okay. This link. My husband came across it on a website that I can’t mention by name because anyone who knows me knows that I don’t swear, and there’s profanity in the title of the website. HA! I even made my own self laugh there for a minute. It’s a good site with lots of links to a wide range of topics, plus pictures of naked women. THIS LINK CONTAINS NO NAKED WOMEN! The link is to a collection of terrible similes, metaphors, and analogies submitted by teachers, from actual papers they have had to grade, and it cracked me the ~~hell~~ heck up. Here’s a teaser from it: “His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.”

Do you have an awesomely bad metaphor you’d like to add to the list? Happy Sunday!